Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
