who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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