I met the friendliest cop last night
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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