you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
