It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
