its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
