Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
