if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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