my phone needs a breathalizer
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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