dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
