Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
