i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
