My room smells like vodka and shame
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
