i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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