It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
