that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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