how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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