i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize