my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
