I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
