i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
