She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize