There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
