You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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