Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
