I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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