guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My hand turned me down
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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