are you so shy because you have an std?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just pee around me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
