He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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