Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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