I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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