Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
