I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
