I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
