Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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