Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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