Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
