Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
