o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
