Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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