Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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