I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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