this beer tastes like vomit already
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Im part way to drunk.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
