The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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