Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
