is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
