what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
