So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
