We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
