she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No more Irish car bombs ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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