So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
