Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
