I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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