The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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