If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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