Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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