so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
