hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
