I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
