I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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