May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We're too hungover to prance.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
