you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize