I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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