Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
