matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
