remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
time to smoke my breakfast
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
