alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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