Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
