WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
