fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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