It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
