When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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